"We have our beliefs, but we don't want our beliefs... God of peace, we want you."





-"Four Word Letter: pt. 2", mewithoutYou





I have often wondered and reflected upon why I can never keep a consistent journal. There have been many attempts at such a task, but it seems that ultimately, as I have have discovered, the task is doomed before it's inception. It is upon this matter of why no journal of mine has succeeded that I wish to address my thoughts, and in such examination, hopefully realize and rightly respond to the greater undertone of decay which has eaten away the foundation of many of the tasks to which I have set myself to.





There is much pride in the hearts of men... Sadly, even this statement is a cleverly devised understatement of the reality it's author refuses to fully accept. Consciousness, as in this case meaning the awareness possessed by the author of his own pitfalls and depravity, is alone no evil thing, nor can it be considered good of itself, but is a mere tool given by the hand of God that revelation of one's true condition might be received, and, prayerfully, rightfully responded to. Not far unlike consciousness is the general spectrum of knowledge itself. Knowledge, of any certain thing, seems to remain stubbornly neutral on all occasions, never to act out of it's own volition, but is, as consciousness, a mere tool, a loaded gun if you will, with which the possesser may effectively use to his own ends. This matter of consciousness has cleverly worked it's way in to my thoughts because in the process of introspection and examination of motives, it is impossible to avoid the night and day distinction between the consciousness or knowledge of something, and the action or response or use of that knowledge...





Too much on my mind...





As a child, I can recall the familiar mantra that was persistently plugged into my mind: "Knowledge is Power". Although it has taken some time to really come to agreeance with this statement, I believe that it is, despite my limited understanding, very much true. The footnote my childhood educators neglected to include with this mantra, (probably due to nievete and not so much negligence) however, is the age old motif cited so well in Orwell's Animal Farm, "Absolute power corrupts absolutely". I do believe that our good friend Hitler himself realized the truth in those three words of our childhood education. Knowledge of something is only the fuel; only God knows what a man might do with enough fuel. And so it is not knowledge itself that will help any man, though it is, no doubt, a necessity (the fuel), but it is the right application of that knowledge. And since "the heart of man is deceitfully wicked above all things", I suggest that we are absolutely hopeless in our total and complete depravity as blind and dead sinners, left only to destroy ourselves and those around us if given the opportunity. But; and here is the best part to which all God's redeemed can proclaim a most assured amen; But God has so desired the salvation of men that He should open the eyes of the blind and raise to life the dead in His work of regeneration that His redeemed might realize their depravity and fall upon Christ alone to save them. There is no hope aside from God's grace....








: )








Now, from a third lens, let's look at what just happened here.





- Aaron sat down to write a blog entry


- Aaron forgot what he wanted to write about (apparently this came after he gave the mewithoutYou quote)


- Aaron began to write about why he can't keep a journal


- Aaron's writing was off in la-la land about consciousness or something


- Aaron ended up getting on to the matter of total depravity


- Aaron wants to write about "reforming" his theology


- Aaron doesn't want to write about "reforming" his theology


- Aaron begins to examine Aaron examining Aaron, and write's a recap of the blog entry...





Conclusion:


I have discovered why Aaron can't keep a journal. His thoughts are inconsistent and scattered, lacking any sort of focus and, more unfortunately, the ambition or motivation to focus those thoughts. The result of this; no consistent journal. Why does he lack the ambition or motivation? Or why does he feel that a journal must be anything special? Pride. Purely so. It would appear that he cares too much about the perception others have of him to actually sit down and let out information which may conflict, and thus possibly contradict, with the opinions they've gathered upon outward observation. He lacks motivation because in fact the writing of the blog is for his own selfish ends of entertaining ideas and feeling a sense of pride in the entertainment of ideas. He lacks the eloquence and precision and mind that he selfishly wishes he had. He is, above most all other things, a proud man...





(there was a train of thought running somewhere in this blog)





But now on to important things.





I would like to start keeping this blog up almost daily...



And so with that, I will soon begin my next blog detailing some things that have transpired over the course of this summer.